is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
