i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
