He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
