In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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