dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
