I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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