all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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