yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
