i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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