I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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