this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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