oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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