Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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