And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
