Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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