just tell him i said nine months
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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