Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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