So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
