Christians are straight up FREAKS
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
