it wasn't lemon gatorade
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
