i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
