my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
