I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
