so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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