I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
