you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
