watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
