she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
