Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
