i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
