What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Say something about gay babies.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
