how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
