He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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