Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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