I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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