The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
