I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone shit on the floor
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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