Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
