Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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