Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
