we have pet lesbian snakes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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