I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
