Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
