I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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