Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
