Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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