ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They have beer where we have blood.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
