you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
