I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize