You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
