That's intense
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
