That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
