His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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