It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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