shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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