i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
